


You Gave Me My Wings

by Sylphrenart



Series: You Gave Me My... [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Birthday, Canon Universe, Comfort, Crying Erwin Smith, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drinking, Drunk Erwin Smith, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Erwin Smith's Birthday, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Guilty Erwin Smith, Levi's muscles, M/M, Overworked Erwin Smith, Pining, Pining Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Post-fall of wall maria, Sad Erwin Smith, Year 845, post-ACWNR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:00:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27097744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylphrenart/pseuds/Sylphrenart
Summary: While Erwin is quite patient, the ravenette knows he tests the man’s limits at times. And so this leaves Levi wondering, Would attempting to wish Erwin a happy birthday only make his day worse? A late night visit from the filthy, irritable rat he picked up from the underground? The one who damn near murdered him after losing Isabel and Farlan?
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Series: You Gave Me My... [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2061759
Comments: 14
Kudos: 162





	You Gave Me My Wings

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm like 5 days late, but here is my birthday fic for Erwin! (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑ Enjoy!

Hange had let it slip earlier that today is Erwin’s birthday. Well, more like Hange’s behavior was suspicious, and Levi threatened to beat them if they didn’t explain what was going on. It seems Erwin didn’t want him knowing about it. That tidbit bothered Levi much more than he would let on. He knows he’s only known the man for a year, but it still feels as if he were a thug fresh out of the Underground. 

_Perhaps Erwin just didn’t want to be fussed over_ , Levi tries to reason to himself, _or maybe he didn’t want Levi knowing in specific_.

Levi tries to shake that distasteful thought from his mind as he raises his knuckles to knock on the door to Erwin’s office. He hesitates. _What did he plan on saying? It’s not like he came prepared with a gift._

Erwin’s been under a lot of stress as of late. He was named commander mere hours before Wall Maria fell. He had only experienced the burden of the position for a few months, yet Levi had already noticed subtle changes within the man. Erwin’s shoulders once held high now seem to droop beneath the invisible weight of command. Ever-present dark bags from late night planning and paperwork hang beneath his eyes, almost bad enough to rival Levi’s own. His baby blues seem to have lost that glimmer they used to hold whenever he came up with another brilliant plan. A witty gamble that was sure to work in his favor. 

Despite countless late nights, Levi knew Erwin still hadn’t been able to come up with a solution for supporting the refugees of Wall Maria. With only a fraction of the land, there simply isn't enough food to go around. Food stores were being quickly depleted. If Erwin didn’t come up with something soon, they would have to go through with the government’s plan. They wished to recruit civilians in a valiant effort to “reclaim” Wall Maria. What a bunch of bullshit. Levi knew what it actually was. A slaughter. A human culling. So that the fat pigs up in Sina wouldn’t go hungry. 

As if the potential loss of countless civilian lives wasn’t enough, the Survey Corps had just returned from a less-than successful expedition. A Titan ambush quickly broke apart the Long-Distance Scouting Formation. They soon became overwhelmed, the majority of their soldiers returning wounded or dead. Because of this disaster, Erwin had condolence letters to write, each of which reminded him of a life lost under his command. Not to mention that he will have to explain himself to the pigs up in Sina. Erwin will have to use his otherworldly charm to somehow convince them that their tax dollars aren’t being wasted. That the existence of the Survey Corps is vital to the continued survival of humanity. 

_What kind of a shitty birthday was that?_ Levi wasn’t really a man for birthdays, but this somehow seems… wrong for Erwin. Unfair. 

Although, he hesitates to disturb the man now. While Erwin trusts Levi enough that he wouldn’t try to kill him, everyone else is still wary around him. It probably doesn’t help that the ravenette continues to glare at anyone who dared approach him. While he follows orders more than he used to, he still very much marches to the beat of his own drum. 

And he is keenly aware of that dog who shoved his face into sewer water. Mike still keeps at least one eye trained on Levi, as if he were an untamed wild animal. Levi gets along with him the least, much to Erwin’s displeasure. The ravenette knows they’re old friends, but he can feel the challenging air about Mike every time he walks past him. 

_Try to attack Erwin if you dare, and I will cut you down_. 

It rubs Levi the wrong way, so he finds every opportunity to make snippy remarks and to defy any orders Mike gives him. Erwin has admonished Levi on numerous occasions, but nothing ever changes. Mostly due to Levi being a stubborn asshole. He knows he’s behaving childishly, but Levi isn’t about ready to respect anyone that still believes he wishes Erwin harm. That notion couldn’t be farther from the truth. Levi would give his life for the man in a heartbeat. 

While Erwin is quite patient, the ravenette knows he tests the man’s limits at times. And so this leaves Levi wondering, _Would attempting to wish Erwin a happy birthday only make his day worse? A late night visit from the filthy, irritable rat he picked up from the underground? The one who damn near murdered him after losing Isabel and Farlan?_

Levi has spent many nights and early mornings with the commander. Due to the ravenette’s own insomnia, he frequently wandered the halls at ungodly hours. Erwin had a knack for detecting his near-silent footsteps. He would always invite the ravenette into his office for a cup of tea. Levi lounged on the couch, sipping away at the pleasantly warm liquid while the blonde scribbled away at some paperwork. They didn’t speak much, electing to sit in companionable silence. 

_Did Erwin enjoy their time together as much as Levi did?_ The ravenette was unable to tell from the few stolen glances over the rim of his teacup. Erwin was an enigma, always so composed and silently calculating. While Levi had gotten marginally better at reading the man, he still felt like he was taking stabs in the dark when trying to unravel that complex brain of Erwin’s. Levi knew that if he asked directly, the blonde would be too polite to admit to detesting the ravenette’s presence. 

_But Erwin was most certainly having a shitty day today_ … All Levi had to offer was his own company, so he sucks in a sharp breath and raises his knuckles once more. _He was better than nothing… right?_

He hesitates yet again, a sudden wave of nervousness rushing through his gut.

“Screw this,” Levi grumbles, spinning on his heel.

Before he can take even a single step, the ravenette hears a door creaking open behind him. Soft candlelight filters out into the hallway, faintly painting Levi’s shadow on the stone wall. 

“Oh— Levi! I didn’t even hear you. Please, come in,” Erwin’s warm voice invites him in.

Great. Now Levi has no choice but to oblige despite the strange feeling bubbling in the pit of his stomach. Levi wordlessly walks past, not bothering to glance up at the blonde. The ravenette catches the faint scent of liquor as he passes by. Sure enough, there’s a bottle of whiskey on the commander’s desk, along with a small glass tumbler. Erwin shuts the door behind them and takes a couple of steps toward Levi.

“So… Where were you going so late?” Levi intones.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Erwin counters.

Levi raises a delicate eyebrow, finally turning to look at the man. His golden hair is disheveled from being pushed out of the way one too many times. His eyelids droop with fatigue, wrinkles at the edges appearing more prominent. Erwin’s cheeks are tinged pink from the consumption of alcohol. His emerald bolo tie has been loosened, hanging askew around his neck. The first few buttons of his white dress shirt have been undone, giving Levi a small peak at those sculpted, toned pecs—

Levi forces his eyes back to Erwin's. “You first.”

“No, I insist. After you.”

Levi scowls slightly. _What sort of shitty game is he getting at?_

“Fine,” Levi concedes. “I was going for a midnight shit.”

Levi’s gaze bores into Erwin’s soul, waiting for him to answer the question that hangs in the air.

“I, as well.”

Levi gives the man an unimpressed look. “You were leaving your office to take a shit when you have your very own personal bathroom in the adjoined bedroom?”

“That toilet is…” Erwin fumbles with his words for a moment. “...clogged.”

“And I suppose you wouldn’t mind if I take a look at this so-called ‘clogged’ toilet, now would you?”

“Uh…”

“Got you there, Smith.”

Erwin lets out a small chuckle, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “I suppose you have.”

The commander’s posture seems more rigid than usual, shoulders drawn back and tense. _Was it Levi’s own presence that made him uncomfortable? What if Levi had disrupted the man trying to unwind?_ He should never have come. There’s nothing calming about Levi’s nature. Although, that wouldn’t stop him from trying. 

Levi jerks his head toward the couch. “Sit.”

Erwin complies, plopping down on one end of the plush red sofa. Levi pulls a second glass out of a nearby cabinet before snagging the liquor bottle and Erwin’s cup from the desk. He sits down beside the blonde, leaving a generous amount of space between them. The ravenette fills each glass half-way, handing one to Erwin before picking up his own by the rim. 

The two drink in silence. Levi is unsure how to broach the subject of Erwin's birthday. Technically, he isn’t even supposed to know. The blonde’s not especially talkative either. He seems to be mulling over something in that big brain of his. The ravenette is too exhausted to try and figure out what that may be, so he lets Erwin ponder to his heart’s content. 

After a few more rounds, Levi feels reasonably buzzed. Erwin looks as if he’s struggling to remain upright, swaying slowly from side to side. The ravenette finds himself staring at the blonde. At his cute crooked nose and thick eyebrows, drawn slightly together in concentration. That strong jawline, with signs of stubble growing back in. And those beautiful rosy lips that Levi wanted to—

Half-lidded blue eyes meet his own. Erwin almost reminds him of a sleepy child, all tuckered out and ready for bed. The commander finally loses his balance and begins to fall forward. Despite his reflexes being dulled by liquor, Levi is quick to catch the man in his arms. Erwin’s breath is hot against his neck. Levi has to suppress a shiver at the close proximity, and he would most certainly blame the alcohol for the redness of his cheeks.

“...find you,” Erwin mumbles incoherently.

“What was that, Blondie?” Levi asks.

“I was going… to go find you,” Erwin’s voice is barely above a whisper, but Levi hears him all the same. “That’s why I left my office… to find you.”

Levi’s heart skips a beat. 

“Why would you—?” Levi’s throat tightens. “Why would you want to see me? I’m nothing more than a short-tempered thug from the sewers that once tried to kill you.”

“You didn’t mean it though…” 

“I did at the time.”

“Mmm… I don’t think you ever truly meant it,” Erwin states with certainty. “You are very skilled, Levi. If you truly intended to end my life, then my heart would not be beating.”

Levi’s heart clenches painfully in his chest, gut writhing at the mere thought of Erwin drawing his last breath. If only he knew back then, the guiding light that the blonde would become to him. Had he successfully laid Erwin to rest, Levi wouldn’t have had the pleasure of knowing this wonderful man. The idea absolutely terrifies him. 

“Erwin…” Levi starts. “That’s not the truth, and you and I both know it. How can you so easily forgive me for what I tried to do? No one else on this base trusts me as you do. Despite being quite the logical man, you put faith in one that once held a knife to your throat. Don’t you ever want to just… I don’t know, hit me or something? Heaven knows I’ve disrespected you and the other soldiers enough to warrant something like that.”

Erwin pulls back enough to lazily push Levi down onto the couch. The blonde crawls on top of him, weight resting on the smaller man’s hips. Levi only stares blankly at the ceiling. If Erwin wants to beat the shit out of him while drunk on his birthday, so be it. Levi owes this man his life, after all. He doesn’t move to protect himself, simply waiting for the blows to come. Levi flinches in surprise when large, warm palms gently rest against his cheeks. Erwin’s face comes into view next, tender gaze locking with his own.

“I would never intentionally hurt you, Levi,” Erwin’s voice is soft and laden with sincerity. “I worry every time I send you out into danger, holding my breath that you will return unharmed.”

Levi’s eyebrows pinch together in confusion. _Wasn’t he simply a titan-killing machine? Why would Erwin care if he didn’t come back? It may take some training, but surely he could be replaced._

“I’m sorry,” Erwin whispers, interrupting his thoughts.

Now Levi’s really confused. “Huh? Sorry for what?”

Erwin glances away. “For how I’ve treated you…”

Levi thinks back on the day he lost Isabel and Farlan. They were the only family he had left. The only people he fought to protect. It felt like a piece of Levi’s soul had been torn away, leaving behind a gaping void in his heart. He questioned and regretted every choice he made leading up to that moment. Levi loathed himself for ever leaving their side. It was his fault they were dead. He remembers the sunlight glinting off of Erwin’s golden hair as he assured Levi he wasn’t to blame. That the titans were responsible. Levi remembers the hope that sparked in his chest on that bleak day. He embarked on a foreign path, life gaining a new purpose. 

All because of Erwin. 

Levi remembers a growing embarrassment at his own illiteracy that arose from being surrounded by soldiers that could read and write. While it wasn't uncommon in the Underground, even a child on the surface knew more letters than Levi. Yet when Erwin found out, he didn't ridicule him. He simply asked if the ravenette would like to learn and offered to teach him. 

Levi quickly became frustrated with himself, feeling like a failure when literacy didn’t come naturally to him. But not Erwin. His patience was endless despite needing to show Levi the same strokes and sounds time and time again. He never belittled Levi for mispronouncing a letter or writing one backwards. Instead, he was there with gentle reminders and words of encouragement. Levi still wasn't a good reader by any means, but he could understand reports now.

All thanks to Erwin.

And then there were all the little things Erwin did for Levi on a daily basis. Tolerating his irritability and crass manner of speaking. Showing Levi kindness, even when chastising him for insubordination. Asking after the ravenette’s well-being and making time to listen to his complaints. Valuing Levi’s input on expedition plans despite him not having a formal education. Compliment his flying skills and finesse, while others couldn’t see past the way the ravenette held his blades. Ensuring that Levi had his own little stockpile of tea, as well as purchasing him more expensive blends on his many trips to the capital. 

Always making Levi feel welcome in his presence, no matter the hour.

 _So just what in the hell is Erwin talking about?_ He’s never felt so wanted nor accepted by anyone else here. Aside from Hange, perhaps. But they can be quite grating on his nerves…

“I’m sorry for not treating you as the human being that you are,” Erwin continues, voice cracking slightly as he tries to keep his emotions in check. “I’m sorry for forcing you to join the Survey Corps, for coercing you into becoming nothing more than a weapon. A tool at my disposal. You are like a beautiful dove that I’ve selfishly trapped in a cage. I’ve used you only for my own benefit when you deserve nothing more than to be free.”

A lone tear collects on Erwin’s blonde lashes before dropping down onto Levi’s cheek. “I’m so sorry, Levi.”

Levi had never witnessed Erwin lose his composure like this. _Was it a lack of trust? Or perhaps the weight of today was simply the final straw, pushing the blonde past his breaking point._

Levi tentatively slides his fingers up into Erwin’s hair. The larger man doesn’t offer much resistance as Levi pulls him down until their chests are flush together, resting Erwin’s face in the crook of his neck. While the blonde’s frame is significantly larger than Levi’s own, the additional weight feels comfortable. Almost like their bodies were made to fit together like this. The ravenette hears a quiet sniffle and feels something wet. Under most circumstances, he would never allow tears or snot to come into contact with his skin. 

But for Erwin… he would surely make an exception. 

Levi wraps both of his arms around the man, embracing him tightly. The additional contact seems to only increase the flow of tears, a slight tremor running through the blonde’s body. Levi simply holds him, allowing Erwin to release a portion of his burden. The ravenette doesn’t use his usual harsh words for inspiring the weak. Erwin doesn’t need to be toughened up. He’s already experienced more hell than most do in a lifetime. So Levi shall adapt to Erwin’s needs and lend this foreign kind of support. 

Levi would travel to hell and back for Erwin. The man that showed him the sky and taught him that there was more to this world than the Walls that protect them.

The two lie there like that, candlelight waning as the wax continues to melt. Erwin’s sobs eventually taper off to the occasional hiccup. His breathing slows, and he calms down beneath Levi’s touch. The ravenette finds himself relaxing as well. Between the late hour, Erwin’s warmth, and the alcohol, his own eyelids begin to droop. Before Levi can completely nod off, Erwin speaks again.

“...Levi?” Erwin mumbles.

Levi simply hums to let the man know he’s still awake.

“Do you… forgive me?”

A moment of silence passes between them before Levi utters a simple, “No.”

Erwin tenses and lets out a shaky breath. “I...see.”

“Because there is nothing to forgive,” Levi finishes.

“Hnn— What?”

“Erwin…” Levi trails off, not knowing how to elaborate.

Levi’s always been shit at communicating his feelings through words. _How could he describe the way he feels toward Erwin when the ravenette couldn’t even comprehend that himself?_ He ponders for a moment longer before settling on a simple statement. 

“You gave me my wings.”

Another beat of silence. Levi worries that Erwin doesn’t understand what he’s trying to say. Hell, he’s not sure if those five words encompass even a fraction of what he wished to convey. However, he feels the blonde relax against him once more.

“I’m… glad.”

Levi can feel Erwin’s cheek twitch up into a small smile against the tender skin of his neck. Warmth and relief floods the ravenette’s chest. No one other than Erwin could manage to make him feel so cared about and understood. Levi doesn’t know why the nature of their relationship weighed so heavily on the blonde’s mind. Maybe it’s just in Erwin’s character to ensure his subordinates feel valued. _Or perhaps he sees Levi as something more…?_

Levi rolls his eyes at his own idiocy. He doesn’t even know if Erwin’s into men, let alone one so difficult to get along with such as himself. 

It isn’t long before the blonde’s breathing completely evens out, finally at peace after a long, rough day. As tired as Levi is, he knows that both of them will regret falling asleep in an awkward position in the morning. An aching back is quite the nuisance when there’s cleaning and training to do. The ravenette slowly shifts until he’s upright, cradling Erwin close to his chest. He slips one hand beneath the blonde and uses the other to support his back before standing. 

Levi knows he must look ridiculous, carrying a man so much larger than himself. It’s a bit awkward maneuvering his way to the bedroom. With Erwin’s stupid long-ass legs, his feet are nearly brushing the ground. Levi manages regardless, stepping across the threshold to Erwin’s full-size bed. 

The ravenette gently lays the larger man down before tugging off his boots and carefully removing the many Maneuver Gear straps. He drapes the belts over a nearby chair and neatly places his boots beside the door. Lastly, he removes the bolo tie from around the blonde’s neck and sets it on the nightstand. Levi pulls the covers up to Erwin’s chin, brushing away stray locks of golden hair that had fallen into his eyes. 

Just enough waning candlelight filters into the room, allowing Levi to observe Erwin’s features. He looks so calm, worry lines smoothed out in sleep. If only Levi could erase the heavy burden that lies on this man’s shoulders, so that his face may look this angelic every moment of the day. Leaning forward, Levi presses a tender kiss to Erwin’s forehead.

“Happy birthday, Erwin,” Levi whispers.

The ravenette turns his back and tip-toes out of the room, silently shutting the door behind him, completely oblivious to the subtle smile gracing Erwin’s lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday, my dear Erwin. ♡ You deserve all of the love in the world.


End file.
